he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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