Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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