I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
