dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
