Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
