You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
