I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
