You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
