Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
