yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
