Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
