I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
