i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
