just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I supernannyed him into submission
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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