i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
