Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he puts the penis in happiness.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
