I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
