I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
