i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
