So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
