Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
