sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
