I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
