i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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