I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Every concussion has its silver lining
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
