we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
