I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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