did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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