He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
