from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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