My friends, they love my intelligence
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
