JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
