dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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