We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
