Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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