that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
