somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
