I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
