My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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