Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
