Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
