I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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