Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
