The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
