Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
