In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
...so i touched it.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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