...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
