Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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