If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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