And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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