No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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