Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
This is my gift to your gina
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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