If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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