My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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