Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
